someone says: “ you've got it wrong. innocence is bullshit and useless. when he says stay gold he means stay gentle. now that’s the REAL fight.”

i sink to the bottom & say: “ stop trying to scare me ! ”

JANUARY: standing barelegged on the front porch, someone yells: “ PEOPLE DON'T ROT ! THEY HARDEN ! ”

You exist like nothing has ever touched you. Where did you learn how to do that?
 

tracking: #crashtcst
 

paintingflcwcrs:

popular text posts + ask memes

❛ i don’t know what i’m doing with my life, but i know i’m doing it wrong ❜
❛ i am so cute and bitter ❜
❛ my life is one part ‘wait’ and another part ‘what’ ❜
❛ my #1 talent is saying stupid things to people and immediately regretting it ❜
❛ i love sleeping to avoid problems ❜
❛ i hate myself a lot but i get offended when other people do ❜
❛ i’m hungrier than the neopet i neglected for nine years ❜
❛ hit me up if you wanna date a piece of shit ❜
❛ we need some new and more powerful swears ❜
❛ i get progressively uglier throughout the day ❜
❛ i’m so miserable, but i laugh at everything ❜
❛ i need something that is more than coffee, but less than cocaine ❜
❛ just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. it’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot. ❜
❛ 90 out of 10 people agree that math is fucking lame ❜
❛ if you think i’m ugly now, you should have seen me in 2009 ❜
❛ 2010 me would literally be terrified of 2016 me and i love it ❜
❛ i have a rare skin condition called close the fucking blinds ❜
❛ hey babe, i made you this mixtape for valentines day. i don’t know many love songs, so it’s just uptown funk 18 times in a row. ❜
❛ there are people who know me in real life who think i’m straight and that’s really funny to me ❜
❛ i was cursed with expensive taste and a low budget ❜
❛ yo dude i trusted you wtf the fuck? what the fuck?? what the fuck what the ❜
❛ open flannel shirts and lingerie are the hottest thing and nobody can convince me otherwise ❜
❛ i’m the weird dad, wine mom, vodka aunt, and gay emo cousin all in one person ❜
❛ that awful moment when you wake up ❜
❛ damn haha i’m going to have to deal with that sooner or later ❜
❛ are we gonna fucking hold hands tonight or what bitch ❜
❛ people our age have children what the hell i am a children ❜
❛ i don’t like your clothes. take them off. ❜
❛ why am i only motivated to sort my life out at 4 am? ❜
❛ after i die, i’ll probably still complain ❜
❛ people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel ❜
❛ if i don’t insult you daily, it means i don’t like you ❜
❛ do something with your life that would make a 1950s straight white man angry ❜
❛ i need to get laid… to rest. put me in a coffin. let my soul ascend. ❜
❛ i’m trying to be a better person, but some people are testing me ❜
❛ i’m overstressed and underfucked ❜
❛ i can’t wait to be a piece of shit with a bachelors degree ❜
❛ my emo phase never went away, it just aged like fine wine ❜
❛ my whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment ❜
❛ i don’t have time for people who don’t believe in aliens ❜
❛ the lack of cuddling i am experiencing right now is upsetting ❜
❛ why do good concert tickets happen to bad people ❜
❛ i can’t play hard to get i’m already hard to want ❜
❛ i’m still pissed off about growing up ❜
❛ if you listen carefully, you can hear me whisper ‘shut the fuck up’ at least once every five minutes ❜
❛ when i die i want my heart donated to NASA so they can finally see what a black hole looks like up close ❜
❛ single and ready to take a 20 hour nap ❜
❛ write ‘nothing is set in stone’ on my grave as both a witty joke and a subtle warning that i will be back ❜
❛ how do people even put up with me like i can’t even put up with me ❜
❛ the opening riff to mr. brightside could literally raise me from the dead ❜
❛ stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical  ❜
❛ sorry, i’m poor. i can’t afford to pay attention ❜
❛ aziz ansari’s voice in the back of my head faintly telling me to treat myself is going to be my downfall ❜
❛ is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep? ❜
❛ my neutral expression makes me look like i’m always in a bad mood which is convenient because it’s usually true ❜
❛ i never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something is coming ❜

Royalty AU sentence starters!

A big mix of them, so have fun with them! Intrigue, revolts, and fairytales~

• “Your majesty, the invaders have breached the castle walls – you must flee!”
• “I pledge my fealty to you.”
• “One day, you will become a fine ruler of this land.”
• “I need no king/queen.”
• “You should do something about those revolts.”
• “And on this day forth, you shall hold crown and scepter in the name of the people as its fair and just emperor/empress.”
• “My king/queen, do not fret for there will be no one else I would rather die for.”
• “Kings/queens do not weep so weakly.”
• “I am not the true king/queen – I am merely their body double.”
• “Oh, sweet Prince/Princess, would you care to be mine?”
• “The king and queen have arranged it – you will be married to the child of the opposing nation so that peace may come to both our kingdoms.”
• “In a few hours your head will roll through the town square – what say you, deposed one?”
• “You are the king’s illegitimate child and I have come to collect you.”
• “My name is unimportant – you, tyrant, will die today by my blade.”
• “Oh, cruel majesty…for your selfishness and evil ways, I place a curse upon you and your house…”
• “Royal balls are such a bore, aren’t they?”
• “I wonder what it’s like beyond the palace walls?”
• “You are hereby condemned, exiled from this kingdom, stripped of your title for crimes against the kingdom.”
• “Oh, highness, do not shed anymore tears – I am here to rescue you.”
• “As per the rules of the tourney, I am granted one wish: I wish to marry your son/daughter.”
• “Let’s overthrow the king together, shall we?”

ROYALTY AU SENTENCE STARTERS

AN ASSORTED LIST OF ROYALTY AU SENTENCE STARTERS TAKEN FROM MOVIES.

• ❝ you lost the argument for the war but you can win it for peace. ❞  
  
• ❝ though I love Your Majesty and I’m loyal to you, in every way, I cannot disguise my distress and unhappiness. ❞
  
• ❝ Your Majesty no one has calves like yours. ❞
  
• ❝ I think we should try to do as the King wants us to do. ❞
  
• ❝ goodnight my handsome prince.  ❞
• ❝ just in case i wasn’t a freak enough let’s add a tiara ❞
• ❝ being royal isn’t easy, y’know?  ❞
• ❝ well then, maybe i don’t want to be royal!  ❞
• ❝ everything you do impacts the entire kingdom.  ❞
• ❝ how could you be so selfish of a king/queen/prince.princess etc? ❞
• ❝ an alliance between our kingdoms would be amazing. ❞  
• ❝ ready my knights for battle. ❞  
• ❝ you and the land are one. ❞
• ❝ i just can’t wait to be king. ❞
• ❝ all of them are loyal.  ❞
• ❝ maybe i’m not fit for this role.  ❞
• ❝ by divine right, i am the _____________. ❞  
• ❝ if i am a _______ where is my power?  ❞
• ❝ my castle, my rules.  ❞
• ❝ we’re not a family, we’re a business. ❞  
• ❝ a princess has no friends.  ❞
• ❝ us royals, we’ve become actors!  ❞
• ❝ would I lie to a prince of the realm to win twelve pennies? ❞
  
• ❝ i’m not a king! i’m not a king ! ❞
• ❝ i’m speaking of pleasure not duty.  ❞
• ❝ to be royalty is not a position, it’s a predicament. ❞  
• ❝ smile and wave, that’s what you get paid for.  ❞
• ❝ this country has never been ruled by a queen. ❞  
• ❝ you promised marriage and a crown.  ❞
• ❝ i lied to you. i said “i love you” but i lied for the crown.  ❞
• ❝ will you teach the king of england how they dance in the french court? ❞

obscenely domestic starter sentences

❝ Stop man-handling the ice cream! ❞
❝ Change the channel and I’ll kill you. ❞
❝ You actual shit, you started without me!? ❞
❝ Since I’m up, by default I will get your _____. ❞
❝ Did you just throw a sock ball at me!? ❞
❝ How about this, how about you fight the rest of the cereal by yourself and I’ll courageously make pancakes for those of us who want a little warmth in our mornings. ❞
❝ Whiskey is a breakfast staple, anyone who says otherwise is fucking lying. ❞
❝ My underwear are now bright pink because of you, thank you very much. ❞
❝ Can you stop kicking me? ❞
❝ I don’t go shopping I get and retrieve. I have a narrow focus, unlike some people. ❞
❝ Did you walk the dog? ❞
❝ You, me, PJ’s, pizza, bed. The PJ’s are optional. ❞
❝ Only you could make the idea of beating up already dead meat sound attractive. ❞
❝ I can feel you staring at me, why don’t you just come in? ❞
❝ Good news; we have internet again! ❞
❝ I don’t want to file taxes, why don’t you be the adult? ❞
❝ You snuggling me over an open flame is an invitation for my nipples to disappear. ❞
❝ I know you’re scared of my mother but contemplating arson isn’t the way to fix this. ❞
❝ I installed a stripper pole while you were gone because it made me think of you. ❞
❝ All I was doing was helping the barista learn to spell my name properly. The song and dance should NOT have gotten you that embarrassed. ❞
❝ How about we just never mention this again? ❞
❝ Have you seen my earrings/necklace/rings? ❞
❝ You are literally the child we both want/neither of us want. ❞
❝ Did you call the doctor about that? ❞
❝ Let me pop it, just let me pop it, nothing bad will happen, I swear! ❞
❝ You almost left me at the gas station! ❞
❝ Alright look! Next time you want to barbecue with the hair dryer, just make sure I’m home! ❞
❝ I didn’t think the sink had this much water inside of it. ❞
❝ Don’t be mad, but _____. ❞

Bonus for multi-lingual situations:
❝ Can you translate the news for me? None of this makes sense. ❞
❝ What is the word for this? *points at ____* I keep wanting to say ‘printer’ but I feel that is wrong. ❞
❝ Next time she calls you a ____ you just reply with _____. ❞
❝ I’m sorry but my pronunciation must sound really bad to you. ❞
❝ Shit! The government doesn’t have my alphabet, put this in a way I understand! ❞
❝ Can you finger spell that for me, I’m not quite up to that level yet. ❞
❝ That was said so horribly wrong but you sounded very cute while trying. A for effort. ❞

Baby RP Starters!

• "I've looked up things about your symptoms.. Are you pregnant?"
• "You.. You're pregnant?!"
• "I'm gonna be a dad.. I'm going to be a dad!"
• "I would never leave you.. I'm so excited for this baby."
• "As the aunt/uncle of this baby, it is my right to spoil it."
• "___ You two are not ready to have a baby, I can't believe it."
• "Who's the spawn of satan? You are!"
• "Either that was a really bad cramp, or I'm having contractions."
• "Don't be mad at me but... I think I might be pregnant.."
• "You know how you said you've always wanted a family? Well.. now we have that chance. I'm pregnant!"
• "The protection didn't work, okay?! Now we're having a baby!"
• "We.. We can't have a baby! Are you kidding me?!"
• "Look at him/her.. She's perfect."
• "If that stupid doctor tells me one more hour, i'm going to kill them!"
• "Well I think you just broke my hand.."
• "I lost the baby."
• "We.. We lost the baby?"
• "He left me when I told him..."
• "What about adoption?"
• "I went to the doctor.. and... well.. I don't know how to say this.."
• "That one night stand was the biggest mistake of our lives.."
• "I'm pregnant and I have no idea who the father is."
• "I'm scared, ____! I don't know how to raise a baby!"
• "What if they don't want the baby, and leave me?"
• "The baby kicked!"
• "It's really hard to cuddle with you when i'm this fat.."
• "I'm so helpless and fat, I hate being pregnant."
• "For the last time, you're not fat. You're pregnant."
• "I hate you for doing this to me.."
• "You're in labor?!"
• "You alright? Is something wrong with the baby?"
• "Shit.. hospital.. hospital now..!"
• "It's a boy/girl."
• "I want to name them ______"

Heathers: The Musical Starter Sentences

raptorispater:

A collection of starter sentences from every song in the musical. Feel free to edit at will (change pronouns, names, locations, etc.). Trigger warnings apply for suicide, drug use, abuse, etc.

Keep reading

brooklyn nine-nine inspired sentence meme

acidtoned:

• “I kinda wish something could happen, between us, romantic styles.”
• “You can’t handle the me!”
• “Forget your ex, have meaningless sex. It rhymes because it’s true.”
• “The English language cannot fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I’m incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky-face.”
• “Yay, enemies for life!”
• “It’s the most fun day of the year, something you wouldn’t understand because you’re not programmed to feel joy.”
• “Almost makes me wanna take things seriously all the time, but then I’m like, ‘boobs, farts, boobs, whatever.’”
• “He is a sea-witch in disguise, do not sing into his shell!”
• “I cannot believe that I’m considering a non-violent option.”
• “I’m gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.”
• “Blink twice if you’d like me to mercy kill you.”
• “I feel like I’m the Paris of people.”
• “My mother cried when I was born because she knew that she’d never be better than me.”
• “I am flummoxed! That’s a word I learned for this party, and I am it!”
• “No staring at your phone, no rolling in two hours late, no sweatpants, no jeans, no shorts.”
• “I’m fine at parties. I just stand in the middle of the room and don’t say anything.”
• “The greatest thing that could ever happen has just happened.”
• “Chop-chop. There’s plenty of embarrassing to do and only a few hours to do it in.”
• “What’s the safest way to set a car on fire?”
• “Space is scary! You saw what it did to Sandy Bullock!”
• “Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.”
• “Ugh, she never smiles. Is her mouth broken!?”
• “Hey, you like spaghetti? And weed?”
• “I mean, why would a death threat be a big deal? Oh, that’s right, ‘cause it threatens death!”
• “That’s right! Just kicked Santa in the testicles.”
• “Guaranteed train-wreck. Thanks for the invite.”
• “Can we please eat?! My body is starting to digest itself.”
• “Yeah, but that was before I knew I could get up on this high horse. Love the view up here. Clip clop!”
• “Turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton re: her sex tape.”
• “Don’t give candy to a baby! They can’t brush their teeth!”
• “The inside of your cheeks are very sensitive. It’s like the inside of your thighs, but with tongue.”
• “But seriously, what’s your favourite Jay-Z song?”
• “Shhhhh…turn off your mouth siren…”
• “You look like a corpse we just pulled out of the river.”